Actify!

From the Diary of Amarillo Saffron

I've decided to stop taking Actify! every morning.

 Yesterday I took a tour of the emotion recycling facility. I didn't tell Mayor Orange what I was doing, because I knew what he would say if I did. He'd say that Deputy Mayor Scarlet took that same tour not long ago, and he found their increased security measures to be satisfactory. But I wasn't there to inspect their increased security measures. I was there to see if I could figure out what Scarlet's been up to. 

I didn't. In that regard, the trip was a complete failure. But I did learn something else, something that is probably irrelevant but which seems important to me nevertheless: Actify! is made of our recycled hope.

The label on every bottle of Actify! tablets states: “Every Actify! Tablet is made from a patented blend of hopeful supplements, caffeine, thiamin, niacin, and Vitamins B12 and C." 

During the tour, Vice President Goldenrod confessed to me that the blend of hopeful supplements is really our hope--our recycled and concentrated hope. 

Ardor Laboratories has convinced Somewhere residents that emotion recycling is medically beneficial, and they sell us the emotion actuators that make recycling possible. Then they purify and concentrate those emotions, put them in a tablet, and sell them back to us!!

When I asked Mr. Goldenrod if he believes that this is truly an ethical business practice he got all huffy and started talking about how the emotion reclamation process is patented by the Ardor Labs corporation and how they deserve to be compensated for their work.

Well, I for one do NOT want to have anything more to do with the whole thing. So I flushed my remaining tablets and I won't be buying any more.

Only...

It's only been two days since I had my last dose of Actify! and I'm starting to feel a little funny...

Somewhere Police Department

From the Desk of the Chief of Police

To: Mayor Orange

From: Chief Burgundy

RE: Hope theft

I wanted to take a moment to thank you for your serious consideration of our mutual problem. Ardor Labs and the Friends of Somewhere's Recycling Committee have been applying a fair amount of pressure on the police department to solve the ongoing thefts from the recycling center. This is a law enforcement issue but there is definitely room for political action. Magenta Vermillion, head of public relations at Ardor Labs, is calling the thefts industrial sabotage. But we must not rule out other possibilities: for example, diversion. The stolen hope may have been sold on the black market. I doubt there is a demand for illicit hope in our own city, but what about other places? Nowhere, perhaps?

I believe that our joint efforts will clear up this matter in a timely fashion. Hopefully, before the completion of the Roy G. Biv highway. 

Nowhere Report

Somewhere City Hall

Memorandum

From: Amarillo Saffron

To: Mayor Orange

Re: Data gathered for Nowhere report

Mayor Orange:

I've attached my initial findings for your consideration. I hope I'm not speaking out of turn when I ask if you knew about any of this before you started planning for the Roy G. Biv highway project. The data is startling to say the least. I can only imagine that the president of Ardor Labs would not want to locate their new facility on contaminated land. I'm not questioning your judgement, sir. I want this highway built as much as you. I'm going to continue my research. Perhaps I'll be able to find other sources of information that prove that this data is faulty.

Findings

Median age of Nowhere residents: 13

Unemployment rate: 100%

Average Highest Level of Education Achieved: 7th grade

Acres of Arable Land: 0

Population: Unknown

ROY G BIV HIGHWAY PROJECT CREATES A RIFT AMONG SOMEWHERE RESIDENTS

54% of Residents Polled Look Forward to the So-Called "Road to Nowhere" while 45% Call the Mayor's Pet Project an "Impending Disaster"

Fern Viridian, staff reporter

I spoke with Mayor Orange today, less than a month before construction is scheduled to begin on the Roy G. Biv highway, about his feelings concerning the project. I also asked him about public opinion polls which show that only a mere fifty-four percent of citizens are in favor of the future highway.

"What do you say to those who call the highway a vanity project?"

Mayor Orange frowned. "I'd remind them that the Roy G Biv highway will create jobs--good, stable jobs with sizable incomes. The sorts of jobs that fuel the American dream. Without the highway the new Ardor Labs facility would just be a proposal sitting on a shelf in an office somewhere, ignored. It would be a pipe dream. Instead, by this time next year it will be open and there will be hundreds of new opportunities for Somewhere residents."

"That brings me to my next question. Detractors are saying that the highway itself isn't a bad idea, but the location of it is. Why a road to Nowhere? We don't trade with Nowhere. And you yourself have stated that Nowhere's Mayor is opposed to the project."

"Mayor Blue may be opposed to the highway but I suspect that the average Nowhere resident would favor it, if he understood what it could mean for his quality of life. Nowhere is...strangely cut off from the outside world. We don't know much about that city. And Mayor Blue is an enigma."

"My mother used to tell me tales about Mayor Blue when I was a child."

"Oh yeah?" Mayor Orange chuckled.

"Yeah. I never used to think he was real. To me, he was like a boogeyman."

"He still is, to a lot of people."