From the Diary of Amarillo Saffron
I've decided to stop taking Actify! every morning.
Yesterday I took a tour of the emotion recycling facility. I didn't tell Mayor Orange what I was doing, because I knew what he would say if I did. He'd say that Deputy Mayor Scarlet took that same tour not long ago, and he found their increased security measures to be satisfactory. But I wasn't there to inspect their increased security measures. I was there to see if I could figure out what Scarlet's been up to.
I didn't. In that regard, the trip was a complete failure. But I did learn something else, something that is probably irrelevant but which seems important to me nevertheless: Actify! is made of our recycled hope.
The label on every bottle of Actify! tablets states: “Every Actify! Tablet is made from a patented blend of hopeful supplements, caffeine, thiamin, niacin, and Vitamins B12 and C."
During the tour, Vice President Goldenrod confessed to me that the blend of hopeful supplements is really our hope--our recycled and concentrated hope.
Ardor Laboratories has convinced Somewhere residents that emotion recycling is medically beneficial, and they sell us the emotion actuators that make recycling possible. Then they purify and concentrate those emotions, put them in a tablet, and sell them back to us!!
When I asked Mr. Goldenrod if he believes that this is truly an ethical business practice he got all huffy and started talking about how the emotion reclamation process is patented by the Ardor Labs corporation and how they deserve to be compensated for their work.
Well, I for one do NOT want to have anything more to do with the whole thing. So I flushed my remaining tablets and I won't be buying any more.
It's only been two days since I had my last dose of Actify! and I'm starting to feel a little funny...